I’ve been reading a blog called Escape From Obesity by Lyn for a while now. Like me, she struggles with food cravings. Here’s how she described it in yesterday’s post:

When I used to walk past the donuts in the grocery store bakery, I’d almost have an emotional breakdown because I wanted them SO BADLY. It was like they had some kind of *power* over me. They weren’t just donuts… they were an entity with a voice that called… “come, come, eat me”… a presence that lured me in, grabbed me and pulled me over to them. Seriously. They were not “just” donuts. They were OMG! DONUTS!!!

While my problems didn’t occur so much in the grocery store as…well, everywhere else, I totally and completely know the feeling Lyn’s talking about in her post.

Work was the worst for me. My company is fantastic; they really treat the employees well and do nice things for us. The wonderful administrative assistant in the office makes Costco runs from time to time on behalf of the business. She buys cases of soda, 100 calorie packs of cookies and crackers, barrels of poofy cheese balls… Of course, the food resides in the kitchen and the hall to the bathroom is right in the middle of the kitchen. Further, my office is in a somewhat remote part of the building. Guess which room I have to walk through when I need to talk to a coworker? Yeah. The kitchen.

Once or twice a week, my coworkers bring bagels and/or donuts in to share, too. They sit right in the middle of the table and I see them when I walk to my little office in the morning. Let me describe how this has always gone:

I get to the office complex and walk down the stairs to my office. I arrive in the kitchen and spy the confections sitting on the table. I walk by them, eyeing the box in which they reside. “MMMMmmmmmm,” I think, “that sounds really good! BUT I MUST NOT!”

I then scurry to my office. And then, I listen to the hunks of carbohydrates call to me. C’mon, they taunt. You know you’re going to give in eventually. You might as well come now! Each and every trip I had to make through the kitchen would make them cry out even more loudly.

And they were right. It was only a matter of time before I would succumb to their siren song. On most days, holding out for an hour was a victory. If I made it two hours, I thought I deserved a medal. Very occasionally, I would last into the afternoon, willing my coworkers to polish off the last of the temptation. On the days that I was able to resist for that long, I would usually be okay. But every once in a while, that last little bit would remain and I would have to eat it. Before I knew what was happening, the first bite of donut (or whatever) would be in my mouth and I just couldn’t force myself to toss the rest.

Those huge boxes of 100 calorie packs were almost as bad. They’re kept in the cabinets and not on the table, but if I knew they were there…. Well, I could hear their call and I would get one or two or three packs during one of my many passes through the kitchen and take them to my office.

I rarely actually wanted the food, but I could NOT resist it. That made caving to the temptation even worse. I had more guilt, more sadness, more feelings of failure because I had no control. Why didn’t I have any control? Why couldn’t I think of anything but these horrible, round, flour filled things when they were nearby?

Reading The End of Overeating by David Kessler, which Lyn also recommends, helped me understand that I’m not the only one who experiences these feelings. It didn’t really help me come up with strategies to overcome my particular hangups, but it was such a relief to know that I’m not the only one who feels so out of control when it comes to food.

Someone brought bagels in on Wednesday. They sat on the table in the kitchen, oddly silent as I passed through time and time again. They didn’t really register for a while and, when they did, I didn’t want one. I wasn’t even slightly tempted. I’m still reveling in the feeling; I haven’t really had the chance to analyze any of it yet. Is it the Adderall? Is it the exercise? Is it my desire to lose weight overcoming everything else? I don’t know. But I’m taking it and remembering this feeling for the next time, when the bagels do decide to taunt me.

After my very small loss for the second week in a row last week, I made an appointment to get a fill. I’m afraid to get one, to be honest with you, for a few reasons.

I’m scared of having too much fluid in my band again. Yeah, losing five pounds in three or four days was awesome. Choking on my own spit? Not so much. And, while my employer is VERY understanding when it comes to band maintenance and missing work, an emergency unfill costs me AT LEAST half a day’s work. I have yet to be seen on time for scheduled fills at my doctor’s office, let alone those urgent “we’ll fit you in” appointments. I really wish that Saturday and Sunday fills were a common thing around here!

I’m afraid I won’t be able to eat my Greek yogurt in the morning before the gym anymore. It’s only been within the last few weeks that I’ve been able to and it makes my workouts so much better! I know that some people can get up first thing in the morning and do hours of cardio without eating, but I’m not one of ‘em! Protein shakes and regular yogurt don’t cut it for some reason. (This is probably going to be a moot point after the house is done, though. I think I’ll have to switch to evening workouts if I’m going to get them in. More on this another time, though.)

I’m afraid that I’ll have problems taking Adderall if I’m more restricted. I don’t know why I’m afraid of this, as I’ve had no problems with even larger pills when I’ve had greater restriction. The medication is helping me so much and I fear to have that yanked from under my feet.

But it takes more than a cup of food to make me feel full, I don’t have to chew much to get food down, and my bites definitely haven’t been small lately. Should I know all of this? Nope, I should be practicing good habits all the time! However, being ravenously hungry and longing to get food in to stop the monster’s growling helped me figure it out. My hunger levels are also out of control. Nothing sounds good (thanks, Adderall!), but my stomach rumbles and growls and aches and my head feels light and loopy.

So fill it is! Even if it’s .25ccs.

Despite the look on my face, I really love this blend of ingredients!

I’ve been experimenting with smoothie recipes for quite a while. The problem with most protein drinks is that they’re too sweet for me to drink first thing in the morning. At long last, I’ve found a set of ingredients that produce a smoothie that am not only able to stomach, but enjoy! I’ve had one of these every weekday morning for two weeks now!

The Ingredients
1 cup Sambazon Original Blend Acai Juice
.5 cup nonfat Fage Greek yogurt
splash of vanilla (.25-.5 teaspoons, maybe)
1 scoop EAS 100% Whey chocolate protein powder
1 tablespoon Hershey’s Special Dark Cocoa Powder
.25 teaspoon xanthan gum
.5 teaspoon guar gum
ice to taste

The Process
Blend all ingredients except the ice cubes. Add ice cubes, blend some more.

The More Involved Process
I use a Magic Bullet and its Tall Bullet Cup to make these.

I generally blend the three wet ingredients together for a few seconds. While that’s going, I mix the gums (which give the drink a smooth, thick texture) with the protein and cocoa powders. I found that just tossing the gums in with the wet ingredients resulted in clumps; mixing them with the other dry ingredients helped solve that problem.

I then add the dry ingredients and let the Bullet go for a minute or two. You might see powder sticking to the sides of the jar; that’s okay.

Don't worry if some of the dry ingredients stick to the side of the cup. The ice will knock it loose.

Then I add the ice until the bullet cup is full–generally 6-7 cubes and let the blender go for two or three minutes (I wash my measuring cups/spoons and wipe down the counters). Really. It’s loud and annoying, but it does need a while to blend because of its thickness.

I never add the ice and the gums at the same time–it doesn’t work well.

I’ve tried adding ice before the gums. It seems to work better if the ice goes in last.

The finished product. The tomatoes have nothing to do with the smoothie :)

The Nutrition Information, using my ingredients:
350 Calories
7 g Fat
35 g Protein
4 g Fiber

Some people think the calories are high for a protein shake, but this works well for me because it takes me all morning to drink. No pre-lunch snacking! I also tend to not get enough protein in every day if I don’t do a shake, so the trade off is worth it to me.

If you wanted to increase the fiber, I think flax powder would be a good addition and would help provide some Omegas (2 Tablespoons would add 80-90 calories and 4g of fiber). Just add it in with the rest of your dry ingredients, if you chose to separate them like I do.

Starting Weight: 298.2 pounds
Last Week’s Weight: 237.8 pounds
Today’s Weight: 237.4 pounds

.4 pounds down. SERIOUSLY? I’ve been exercising. I haven’t been eating unreasonably.

223.2 by May 27 isn’t going to happen. I was still holding on to hope, even though I said I wasn’t going to. I’m a sad panda.

I need your feedback. What do you like about my blog? What do you dislike (besides a major lack of posts lately)? What would entice you to leave a comment from time to time? What would you like to see me write about?

Please be kind, but don’t hold back!